Brutal Argument
by DarkPrincessofAwesome
Summary: Stayne and the Mad Hatter get in a big fight. What are they fighting about? Will all the drama end? Will Stayne and the Mad Hatter be able to settle their differences and become friends? And who will win Alice's heart? ONESHOT. No flames!


**Disclaimer**: **I do not own the Mad Hatter, Stayne or anyone else in Alice in Wonderland. Lewis Carroll wrote the book and Tim Burton made the ever so awesome movie!**

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One day, on the day of Quillian, there was a mad hatter named Tarrant Hightopp and a knave named Ilosovic Stayne. Stayne had decided to invite himself to tea, and the Mad Hatter didn't like that. So the whole time Stayne was there, they argued...and argued...and argued to no end.

Stayne walked to the table. He pointed at the chair he wanted to sit in. "Hey, move that thing off of that chair," he demanded. "That THING is called a dormouse," the Mad Hatter said.

"Why did you come here?!", he asked. "Because I wanted some tea and muffins!" Stayne said. "Don't you have tea at the Red Queen's castle?", "There's only squimberry tea. I HATE SQUIMBERRY TEA!!!" Stayne yelled, and he began to cry. "SHUT UP!!!" said the Mad Hatter. Stayne snapped back at him saying, "YOU SHUT UP!!!" "Grrr," he grumbled.

Stayne proceeded to take a bite of one of the Mad Hatter's muffins. After taking a bite, he spit it back out. And in disgust, he yelled, "EW!!! It is a well known fact that _I _make better muffins than you," he stated, as he pointed at the Mad Hatter. "Well, they were good enough to take second place in the Marmoreal Muffin Contest!", he stated. "If they were _softer_ they could have taken FIRST place!" Stayne declared, as he smashed a muffin into a pancake on the table out of disgust. The Mad Hatter gasped. "Oh no you didn't!", he said. "Oh yes I did!"

Just then the Mad Hatter's cellphone started ringing. "YOU GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS-" "Hold that thought," he said. He answered the call, saying, "Hello? No, I'm not busy! What's goin' on, dude? HE DIDN'T. NO. WAY. HE. DIDN'T. Are you serious?!"

Stayne had heard enough. He got up and yanked the Mad Hatter's hat off of his head and put it on his own saying, "if you don't get off the phone...your hat will say hello to Mr. Fire!" he threatened, with a match in his hand. "Okay okay, I'll get off!!! Hey, I gotta go. Stayne is being a jerkface! TTYL!" he said, as he hung up.

"...I will get you for saying that," Stayne said. He looked to see if there were any biscuits. Much to his disappointment, there were none. So he yelled, "THERE AIN'T NO BISCUITS ON THIS HERE TABLE!!!", Stayne yelled. "...No, however, I have scones." the Mad Hatter said, calmly. "BUT I DON'T LIKE SCONES!!!", Stayne yelled. "Oh, please! Who doesn't like scones?!" the Mad Hatter asked. "SMART PEOPLE! You have a Hannah Montana ringtone, FOR CORN'S SAKE!" Stayne said.

"Oh yeah? Well, smart people don't say, 'for corn's sake!'", he replied in a smart way. "You're the corn!!!", Stayne said, trying to come up with a good comeback. The Mad Hatter narrowed his eyes. "Oh yeah, Bozo?" "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A CLOWN, HOWDY DOODY!" Stayne said back. The Mad Hatter gasped at this, saying "You call me a puppet?! Oh, that was so low! Pongulate your tea!"

"...What?!" Stayne said, confused. "PONGULATE YOUR TEA!!!", he said, as his eyes turned orange. "...You're like a walking mood ring," Stayne randomly stated. "How dare you call me a piece of jewelry!!!"

"But I did. You are an evil piece of bacon." Stayne said. "Oh yeah? Well, you're an evil piece of TURKEY BACON!!!" the Mad Hatter retorted. "Ugh! Why don't you just p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-PONGULATE your icky muffins?!" Stayne said, obviously struggling at the word "pongulate."

"...Why is a raven like a writing desk?" the Mad Hatter randomly said. "YOU'RE THE WRITING DESK!!!" Stayne said, in attempt to insult him yet again. "You're the raven!!!" the Mad Hatter said in a comeback. Stayne threw his teacup onto the table, only for it to break into thousands of pieces and said, "you know what? I don't need this! You're stupid!" and off he went on his red panther, back to the Red Queen's castle.

And then the Mad Hatter fell in love with a beautiful girl named Alice.

...

...

...

SIKE. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

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**Made ya look. :D**


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